Collected Essays of Valerie Lynn Stephens (Part 7)

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ISBN: 978-1-365-35197-6

©2021 Valerie Lynn Stephens

YADA, YADA, YADA

In Hebrew, one of the possible translations of the word “yada” means “to get to know”. So, I suppose when we say, “Yada, yada, yada...” we are either denoting the fact that we, along with those whom we are addressing, are already familiar with (or “know”) that which it is we are talking about; or perhaps that we are trying, as we speak, to process or “wrap our heads around” (a.k.a. “get to know”) something which we are pondering aloud. And there may even be some other interpretations thereof. Nevertheless, we all could benefit from a lesson or two in the fine social art of communication with our fellow human beings. This, especially in the face of what is referred to in the realms of Philosophy as “Solipsism & the Problem of Other Minds”, 'tho perhaps deemed redundant (& even futile) by some, is of salient significance in this milieu of “cyber-communication”.

Of course, let us just start off from the beginning by stating that wholesome & beneficial communications can be made only between two parties equally divested in such a goal. To clarify, one person may very well be honed in the art of precise, & wholesome communication, yet find, to their frustration that the “other” person has not yet honed their “listening” skills properly. Or, in the context of written and/or “typed” communication such as most of us must conduct on the Internet from day to day, some very well-spoken individuals may come across another person whose “reading comprehension” is lacking. Moreover, what Communications scholars call “paralinguistics” is also not able to be discerned when one is communicating through a computer keyboard & monitor (unless they're “Skyping”, etc.). Paralinguistics are those elements of communication such as tone of voice, body language, eye contact, etc. which aid in the full comprehension of not only what another is attempting to express & communicate, but even perhaps what kind of a personality & temperament an individual may have, all of which can facilitate smoother & more fruitful interactions with our fellow human beings.

This is why I find it of extreme importance that we all take it upon ourselves to work at clearer articulation, especially when we “cyber-netting”. Mind you, it is, as with all things concerning the realm of humans, largely a matter of context-in this case, social context-nevertheless, we can all benefit from working to lessen some of the misunderstandings, & even all-out clashes that can arise out of not communicating or listening adeptly to both our own words, and those of others. Of course, as stated above, not every individual is on a similar “wavelength”, if you will, & we must tailor each our own social realms to this reality, but if we become too sacrosanct within our own bubbles of “similar-minded” people, the we miss out on a lot of opportunities for personal growth.

Indeed, some of my own personal revelations & inward triumphs & transformations have been borne from the most unlikely of social “wombs.” I like to challenge myself to step outside of my “comfort zone” because my past experiences have shown me that a lot of unearthed treasure usually lies behind those doors. Therefore, I cultivate broadmindedness, so that I can properly humble myself before the vastness & diversity that is this world, & come to acquaint myself with persons, & experiences which I might not inherently seek out or identify with.

Yet fundamentally, we are all the same organism undergoing each our own levels of development in our own idiosyncratic ways. This is why I don't feel undue fear about opening myself in this way to the world outside of myself, because I see myself mostly reflected in it more than seeing it as being completely alien to me. And most human beings probably feel the same way that I do. In psychological parlance, at least from the “Jungian” perspective, this achievement of inward & outward synthesis is referred to as “integration.” And I believe this to be essential to the spiritual attunement of each individual's radar, so that we can first, come to terms with all aspects of ourselves, & thus, offer the same empathy & acceptance to others as well. To play on a phrase, “It begins at home,” or just, “It begins from within.”

Furthermore, in keeping with the subject of the human dialectic, yada, yada, yada, one needn't be a master wordsmith in order to be able to connect with other people. From my own observations & “field practice”, all it takes is a willingness to humble ourselves before the shrine of self-awareness. Here's a little syllogism to break what I mean down into more digestible tidbits: I am human. You are human. I understand myself in my own humanity. Therefore, I can understand you in your own humanity. Now, mind you, this is by no means intending to be flippant or facetious. I realize that none of us can identify or even fully understand everything about everyone, including our own selves.

My point is this: Starting from a base of the ways in which we are similar will help us get through the “rough patches” of where we might “clash” or just differ. I personally believe there to be to many complex facets to any human person. Therefore, in the name of expediency & a spirit of unification, we sometimes must simplify things. For example, you might have a different “personality type” than I do, but I guarantee you, if we both work at it, we can find common ground in something simpler, or even in some deeper, more core values & human features. And these lie at the root of the person anyhow, so differences in anything else in comparison should be deemed spurious.

There are different “Temperaments”, there are different “Personality Types”, there are uniquely “solipsistic” phenomena of consciousness such as what we generally refer to as “life experiences” and worldviews. Yet fundamentally, we all share the same genetic “human” characteristics-including those so-called “intangible” elements such as our psychology (philosophically speaking) & our sense of spirituality, or what I like to refer to as our “meta-physiology”.

Thus, no matter what our “socio-economic background”, political affiliation, personality type, temperament, geographical location, ethnicity, let us please be mindful of how we treat our fellow human beings in word & deed. What we do & say to others has a very profound impact-more than we know. What we do unto another, we, in turn, do unto ourselves, & as a certain bard of world renown once quoth: “Slowly doth heal those wounds which men give themselves.” We must remind ourselves in the face of a world which seeks to divide us at every impasse: We're all in this together. But, need more be said, because...yada, yada, yada.

ON DEATH

Sometimes I'll be having one of those days where I feel like I can run a marathon-hell, two or three in a row. Then I'll think, 'But maybe that's just Nature's way of preparing me for a merciful slaughter.' Well, so much for yet another attempt to transcend a keenly disturbing awareness of one's own ever-immanent mortality. But hey, it has its benefits, too, I suppose. Being aware of encroaching death, that is. For one, it keeps us grounded, that's for sure. For another, it motivates us to use our time & talents wisely-well, for some of us it does.

The funny thing is, even when I was at the age where I was supposedly supposed to believe myself to be invincible, I was still, very much in touch with a sense of my mortality. I am not a creature of delusion or illusion, but one of realism & reckoning I guess. I did a couple of those “Personality Type” indicators over the years, & “tough-mindedness” was in the list of traits akin to those of my “kind.” Yet I say, if it comes naturally to me, I don't deserve that much credit for it, right? But...maybe I do, just a little bit. This particular “trait” has definitely been more of a blessing than a curse, that is for sure. Unlike another trait which those of my “type” usually possess, namely, an “eidetic” memory. The problem with an eidetic, a.k.a. “photographic” memory is that, on the upside, you can remember almost anything. On the downside, you remember EVERYTHING! (Not coincidentally I don't think, we are diagnosed with anxiety-related conditions, namely PTSD more than the rest of the population).

Although it is not mere overcompensation to recognize nervous disorders as a sign not of imbalance or lack of constitution, but on the contrary, as indicative of superior intelligence & evolutionary capacity. Although, it is also true that the more “evolved” one becomes, the more vulnerable one becomes in the sense of the existential (& often vocational & social) displacement which one feels being a member of a smaller “higher-minded” minority. But everyone feels, in their own way, a member of some “smaller minority”. The truth is, we are all “lonely” in each our own ways. But, we are not alone in this, our irredeemable sense of solipsistic languishing.

But Life is beautifully rife with Paradox! We must celebrate it! Revel in it! Work with it, not against it! After all, what we deem “paradox” is the harmonious & optimal integration & unity behind all things manifesting itself for our own psycho-spiritual edification. Contrasts would not be recognized were they facsimiles, would they? Nevertheless, back to the topic of each our own imminent mortality. This, too, can be viewed as the paradoxical “other half” of what we call “life.” But I think that's too reductionist & doesn't really help us to understand either death or life & come to terms with either of them any better.

Of course, we possess the technical “medical” terminology to explain (at least on a strictly “biological” level anyhow) both the process of “life” & the process of “death”or “dying”. But again, has this ever really helped anyone to truly come to terms (no pun intended)? No, of course not, because a human person is not just a mere “cadaver”, but is a “soul” as well. No matter what one believes or does not believe when it comes to the “metaphysical” issues of this life, the fact remains self-evident, human individuals are complex, & highly vulnerable beings! Our needs run way deeper than typical Q & A type interactions when it comes to that of our own innermost life & experiences.

It is true that when I am at the Doctor's office getting my annual check-up, I often prefer to have a more “clinical” type interaction, in the sense that I don't want it to get too intimate on an emotional or psychological level with someone that I do not know very well. I also enjoy learning the technical terminology for things as well, so clinicians don't need to “dumb” things down down for this “patient.” I want all of the gory details! However, I have also not yet had a “terminal” type of diagnosis presented to me in such a situation.

I know myself well enough to be able to project myself into an imaginary situation similar to that, but won't actually know how I will react & what my needs will be until the day comes, most likely. As Russian filmmaker Andrei Tarkovsky once shared, “Death doesn't exist for me, really. But I suppose I will feel differently once it's actually here.” Exactly. No amount of philosophizing or imagining can truly prepare us for the “real thing”. Thus, why go on with this here little ditty?

We are all gonna die someday, & we know not when. I suppose the art of living is mastered in the balancing of form & function, colour & light, the will to create & a surrender to the soul-smithing which our Heavenly Father & Creator is masterfully crafting within each & every one of us. Whether we are living to die, or dying to live, or just plain making the most of it all, Life is a precious darn gift. And I am so grateful for it. Period.

HE MEETS US WHERE WE’RE AT!

Colossians 3:12-14

“Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy & dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness & patience. Bear with each other & forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

As I have made my way through this perilous world, somewhere along the way my sense of self became damaged by some of the erroneous & harmful ideas disseminated by the culture. One of the main ways that I was damaged in my sense of self, was in how in many different ways, some subtle, others more blatant, I was given the message that being the way that I was was either not good enough, not worthy, or just not welcome. According the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, I am mostly identified with the INTJ classification. This means that I am an Intuitive Thinker, with a depth of feeling & keenness of discernment. I am also a very conscientious, broad-minded, & highly creative individual.

Apparently, my “type” is not only rare, but is also one of the types least acknowledged by this world, & coincidentally, the least existentially actualized & fulfilled. Although this is definitely through no fault of our own, as another salient feature of INTJ's is that we have strong desire & need to continue growing & learning as people, so that we can help others & be the best we can be. We are the type that often steps outside of our comfort zone, as we possess a genuine & profound love for soul expansion.

We are also very selective & usually reserved when it comes to our social interactions & the people that we let into our lives. This is often shamed, & misunderstood by this current milieu as either being snobbery and/or anti-social tendencies, but we just have very healthy & strong boundaries, because we understand the harm that can come out of not exercising good boundaries, both with ourselves & with others. Another way that this feature of our personality is wrongly labelled, is as being some sort of social ineptitude or 'shyness.' In truth, we are often circumspect & discerning, but rarely 'shy,' being as mature-minded as we often are.

Although, I have to admit that we are a 'type' that is very awkward when it comes to more superficial social interactions. But this is not, as it is often shamed, a quality of inferiority. On the contrary, we are often the type that others refer to as one of the most congruent, or authentic & deep. And some of the rigours of sociability in Western-especially modern, Western society are exhausting for us, & we just desire to use our time on this earth wisely & not waste it on things that ultimately do not promote & nurture that of our own growth in a healthy, positive direction.

Nevertheless, every 'type' gets misunderstood in some way, & shamed for being the way that they are in this world. I just wanted to give a brief segue into the purpose of this article/essay. The message that I wish to share with those who are reading this is: You are perfect exactly the way that you are, and that God can meet you wherever & whoever you are. Now, of course I don't mean that we should never grow or learn, or allow the Lord to 'prune our branches', & weed out some of our more sinister and pathological qualities. I just mean it in the sense that there isn't just one way to serve the Lord, & there isn't just one 'personality type' who is equipped and called to serve the Lord.

His creation is magnificently & awesomely diverse! And so are we as individuals! What you have to offer is uniquely yours, just as what I or anyone else has to offer are uniquely mine & theirs. For example, I am often plagued with a feeling of inadequacy because I am not an 'evangelist' or a servant of God in the conventional sense of being a Lead Pastor of a church or even a deacon or some other such Public Figure. And I often feel like I am not a 'good enough' servant of the Lord, because the culture & society in which I live exalts a very specific image of what an 'ideal' servant of the Lord acts like, walks like, talks like, and just is like. Many of us who are more systematic & meticulous about our approach, especially in regards to matters which we know are of utmost gravity & seriousness, such as spreading the Light & Hope of the Gospel to people through our ministrations, just do not fit into the 'Type A' extroverted model of what a spiritual 'leader' should be.

But the Lord God created & molded me into the person that I am proud to say I am today. And no one should allow, if they are called, anyone to discourage them in their own individual nuances of godly service. The main way that I minister to my fellow human beings is not only through living, to the best of my ability, by the commandments set forth by God to love & serve God with all of my heart, body, mind & soul, but also to love others & to treat them with the same dignity & respect that I wish to be treated with. It's really very simple when you think of it. And I also use my linguistic & other intellectual abilities in service to Him & others who need enlightening, uplifting, comforting, & empowerment.

Now, I cannot accomplish these things when I am living in my flesh instead of walking by the Spirit. But I can when I pray without ceasing throughout my day to remain connected to the voice of the Lord & how He wants to live through me, & then follow that up with a full submission to Him & a total faith & trust in Him, placing Him as the Lord over my body, my mind, my soul, my talents, my time & in general, my life. But, like everyone else, I am a work in progress.

But thankfully, the Lord looks at the heart-the inner man. And when He sees us meeting Him in the middle, He blesses us. We must just persevere & go wherever He leads us, not matter what our natural temperaments, personalities, or capacities might be. It breaks my heart-and certainly also the Lord God's-to see so many people discouraged & shamed into non-being, merely because of the works of the Evil One to use the culture to make people feel inadequate or somehow unwanted merely for being the wonderful, beautiful way that they were created to be. If you minister & serve the Lord by writing poetry, do it unto the Lord with all of your Being!

If you are a Pastor of a church, do it unto the Lord with all of your Being! If you are a Barista at a coffee-shop, serve the Lord there & do it with all of your Being! There is no one path that we have to take in order to serve Him & to fulfill His purpose & perfect plan here upon this earth. He can do all things for those who are willing! He meets us where we're at!

When I was younger, I, too, was plagued by all of these questions: Which University should I attend? Which church should I attend? Which job should I take? What vocation should I devote my life to? And it worried me that maybe, when I had finally made a decision, this wasn't where the Lord wanted me to go & perhaps I had taken the wrong path. Now, He has blessed me with the perspective that comes with experience, & I know that the where, when, what, & how are not important. It's the why. Why did I choose this particular job, or this particular church, etc.? If my motives are anything by completely submitted to pleasing & serving His purpose for my life, then, and only then, am I amiss.

There are an infinitude of paths that any one individual can take. Do not let the Evil One hang you up on particulars. Take the first step in Faith & godly pursuit, & He will lead you! Most of us do not live the glamorous lives as depicted on television & in 'celebrity culture'. But guess what? Neither do they! Being an 'ordinary' vessel of the Lord Jesus is, for me, truly the highest honour, for He is the only being worthy of all praise & glory. That is not to say, that being a mere mortal vessel of Almighty God makes anyone dull, or lacking in talent, or brilliance. Everyone is gifted by our Creator & Heavenly Father with something that makes us all shine, & makes us all “fearfully & wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14) It just means that we acknowledge as His Word reminds us that, “In Him we move & have our being. (Acts 17:28).”

Furthermore, it acknowledges that, in a very literal sense of the term, He is our Creator & our Sustainer. We do not take any breath upon this earth without His express consent! He truly is Lord over all, & we are nothing without Him! All that I have ever managed to accomplish on this earth is only because of the magnificent Spirit of Christ at work through me & in me! I could not even be writing this essay without His power & life flowing through my veins! Indeed, even when we are servile to the darker aspects of this human condition, & choose to do evil over good, it is still He who protects us from total ruin, & chastises us afterward to draw us back to Him. (Revelation 3:19 “Those whom I love I rebuke & discipline.”)

No mind or heart can conceive of His love & care for us with every step we take, & every breath that we take. And no mind nor heart can conceive what He has in store for those who love, revere & glorify Him! (1 Corinthians 2:9) And although it is process, & everyone begins imperfectly formed, spiritually speaking, we can have faith that He will complete His work in us as long as we submit in total dependence to His works within our innermost beings, & lives (Philippians 1:6). God does not show favourtism to either 'Introvert' or 'Extrovert.' He values & loves all of us equally & expects us to devote our time, our talents, & ourselves to Him, & Him alone. We will stray, but He will never allow us to walk down that dark path for too long before reminding us to Whom we belong, and before reminding us that the Evil One always works the hardest to dim the lights of those who shine with His Truth, Light & Love.

“For Thou hast made us for Thyself, & our hearts are restless 'til they find their rest in Thee.”

-St. Augustine

Colossians 3:17

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”

P.S. And remember, dear ones, do not mistake a lack of worldly recognition for a lack of worth or value. On the contrary, if you feel a constant sense of existential nullity as it relates this world, you are probably on the right path! And there is nothing wrong with being an outcasted, mocked & spurned treasure-storer in Heaven. Amen!

Philippians 1:6

“...Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Colossians 3:1-4

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you have died, & your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you will also appear with Him in glory.”

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